I will never tidy again

Warning - this blog contains the rudest most foul four letter word you will ever read, you have been warned.

Last sunday, I paid a trip to our local sweedish mega store. All I wanted was a cheap computer desk for a new computer so that me and Mrs B could work on our computers at the same time and be comfy. The desk I use from the same store would do just fine so off I set on my 50 mile round trip to retail hell. BUT when I got there my desk had been discontinued and replaced by a very similar style desk called Goliat priced at a reasonable £39.90. Into the car it when along with the obligatory tea lights etc and home I went.

Putting the thing together was the usual fun (let's face it assembly is the most enjoyment you can get from this tat). So far so good.

Tonight I decide to set up the new computer. Guess what? It won't fit into the space specifically designed for a a computer in a computer desk!

Bollocks - it will have to go back. I telephone customer services and my call is taken by the lovely Hannah.

Sorry she says, but we can only refund 70% of the cost as it has been assembled. (ah ha, so 30% of the value is in the assembly).
Then she finds out that I am a TIDY person and have thrown away the receipt - well in that case you can try and take it back to the store and see if they will help you, but if you have no proof of purchase........the unspoken words "you could throw yourself on the mercy of one of my gormless co-workers" scream triumphantly down the line at me.

I have the damn desk! But the irascible Hannah has a come back - Lots of our goods are sold on e-bay.

But Hannah the desk is not fit for purpose as it won't take a computer and it is sold as a computer desk.

But sir the measurements are available.

Only for the overall dimentions - not the computer space.

But sir there are tape measures available in store. You should have measured it. (As if anyone would think to do that).

I am at a loss. I bid her goodnight and turn to my blog.

Do check your computer size before buying a computer desk from IKEA (the worst four letter word I can think of) as Swedish computers are obviously smaller than ours - a bit like the intellect of their designers.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to you all.

What do you think of it all then? Me, I long for the carefree happy days of my yoof, down the pub, a bit crowded but OK. A few drinks, a few snogs and off home to sleep it off. Nowadays, you have to book in advance if you want to go to the pub and buy a ticket (buffet included!) for £20. You can't avoid it either as there will be fireworks at midnight to wake you from your slumber.

As for Christmas.....I'm not a fan of it. Don't get me wrong here, I love the IDEA of Christmas, but the reality somehow never stacks up. You see, it's all about enjoying yourself, and if you are not enjoying yourself, then there is something wrong. BUT, in order for some people to have what they want, other people have to give up what they want. For example if my parents want us to go on Christmas Day, then Mrs Bs parents can't have the day with us as well. So some get and some don't. I am a soft pushover really, so I always end up compromising on what I want to do so other people can have what they want. Therefore it is my fault I don't enjoy Christmas.

I would like to go away for Christmas - somewhere hot and sunny, but that will never happen as too many other people insist we have Christmas right here.

I did get my mate to come over for Christmas, and he brought his imaginary dog Tippy. Tippy is only just continent so requires lots of walks. A great strategy which worked really well and will be used again.

Anyway, don't wish to moan on about it and it's over now for the next 8 months. Check out the supermarket shelves next August if you don't believe me!

(PS Pounce then!)