I have done it again. It was Mrs B birthday recently and so we had a quiet night in with a few friends.
It was a work night.
We drank (I don't know how many but at least) 8 bottle between 5 of us and ended up playing a stupid board game which revealed that I am a gossip, my mate was not enjoying himself (he left shortly afterwards) one of our guests had a thing about her bum etc. It was all bit bit out of hand really.
The next day at work was bad.
I was mildly hung over having stuck to one kind of alcohol, but I did feel rough.
I fessed up to one of my colleagues and she told me that "Well you do look shit" (she calls a spade a spade), would you like me to put some blusher on you to help?" She was not joking and in fact was reaching for her bag!!
I looked at her moderately made-up face and noticed that the slap she was wearing was not the glittery kind - Was I wavering?
"No thanks", I replied, "my make-up days are long gone"
Chew on that.
Sunday, 8 July 2007
Wednesday, 27 June 2007
Cars and Music
Last Friday Mrs B decided to visit her mate in nearby Roughton. When she returned to the car it had been hit by a truck driver and quite badly smacked-up. Drivable, but illegal. Fortunately, the folk round here are honest and the driver had left a note on the windscreen (thank you!) to say who he was etc.
So on Friday afternoon I spent ages trying to sort it out with my insurance company. A hire car was organised and delivered on Saturday morning, and the repairing garage was to contact me. They didn't. So on Tuesday I rang my insurers to chase them up. I was put through to the motor claims dept and onto hold while they looked for my file. While I was on hold they kindly played me some music as most places do these days. The claims dept of a large motor insurance company decided that it would be a good choice to play something by "The Cars" and what better choice than their best known song "Who's Going To Drive You Home?".
Whose idea was this? For me it was inspired, but had the circumstances be a bit different, it could have been quite offensive.
Of course I told loads of people about this hilarity and was out done. One of my colleagues told me of a time when his secretary had to go into hospital to have a diseased kidney removed. On her return to the ward, she was just in time for a meal. What did they choose to serve this patient? Yes, you guessed it steak and kidney pie!!
So on Friday afternoon I spent ages trying to sort it out with my insurance company. A hire car was organised and delivered on Saturday morning, and the repairing garage was to contact me. They didn't. So on Tuesday I rang my insurers to chase them up. I was put through to the motor claims dept and onto hold while they looked for my file. While I was on hold they kindly played me some music as most places do these days. The claims dept of a large motor insurance company decided that it would be a good choice to play something by "The Cars" and what better choice than their best known song "Who's Going To Drive You Home?".
Whose idea was this? For me it was inspired, but had the circumstances be a bit different, it could have been quite offensive.
Of course I told loads of people about this hilarity and was out done. One of my colleagues told me of a time when his secretary had to go into hospital to have a diseased kidney removed. On her return to the ward, she was just in time for a meal. What did they choose to serve this patient? Yes, you guessed it steak and kidney pie!!
Friday, 11 May 2007
Plummy
How has #1 managed to become so plummy?
The other day I was giving him a lift to the school bus on my way to work.
Me - Would you like to go to school today, or (trying to make it sound exciting)would you like to come to work with me instead?
#1 - School
Me- So you like school now then?
#1 - No, but given the choice between comming to work with you and sitting in a corner being quiet while you go into stupid meetings OR (big breath) going to school, I think I should rather go to school.
Me -Oh (laughing)
#1 - Why are you laaafing at me!!!
The other day I was giving him a lift to the school bus on my way to work.
Me - Would you like to go to school today, or (trying to make it sound exciting)would you like to come to work with me instead?
#1 - School
Me- So you like school now then?
#1 - No, but given the choice between comming to work with you and sitting in a corner being quiet while you go into stupid meetings OR (big breath) going to school, I think I should rather go to school.
Me -Oh (laughing)
#1 - Why are you laaafing at me!!!
Wednesday, 25 April 2007
Sales Pitch
Credit where it's due, Ms Ms' recent post reminded me of this so I thought I'd share it.
Several months ago
The phone rings - It is tea time so I grab it first in case it's a sales call. I like to have fun with them, Mrs Boris just tells them to F off which I always think is such a waste.
Scouse Voice - Hello sir we are in your area and wondered if you would be interested in any replacement windows or doors?
Me - We don't have any windows thanks.
SV - How about a new door then?
Me - We don't have any doors.
SV - (Curious by now and perturbed) Where do you live then?
Me - In a cave.
SV - (Well off script now) So, how come you don't have doors and windows then?
Me - I just told you I live in a cave.
SV - So, no door then?
Me - No.
SV - Well, what do you have then?
Me - (Now I'm wondering where this will go) Well it's a cave, so just an entrace really.
SV - Would you like a porch on that?
Me - Thanks mate you've made my night. Good bye.
SV - You too, bye
So remember, all interactions with others can be fun if you let them be.
Several months ago
The phone rings - It is tea time so I grab it first in case it's a sales call. I like to have fun with them, Mrs Boris just tells them to F off which I always think is such a waste.
Scouse Voice - Hello sir we are in your area and wondered if you would be interested in any replacement windows or doors?
Me - We don't have any windows thanks.
SV - How about a new door then?
Me - We don't have any doors.
SV - (Curious by now and perturbed) Where do you live then?
Me - In a cave.
SV - (Well off script now) So, how come you don't have doors and windows then?
Me - I just told you I live in a cave.
SV - So, no door then?
Me - No.
SV - Well, what do you have then?
Me - (Now I'm wondering where this will go) Well it's a cave, so just an entrace really.
SV - Would you like a porch on that?
Me - Thanks mate you've made my night. Good bye.
SV - You too, bye
So remember, all interactions with others can be fun if you let them be.
Tuesday, 3 April 2007
Mine are not so bad after all
Just read a blog on confessions of a psychotherapist about things one can do now which one wasn't allowed to do as a child which got me thinking about some of the stuff I did as a small child about the same age as my oldest child is now.
Firstly, I used to walk to and from school mostly by myself in those carefree days. I don't think my parents ever thought I was in any danger, or maybe they were just hopeful that some day I really would be taken. Anyway, it meant freedom of expression for me for 10 mins in the morning and 20 minutes in the afternoon (I ran in the morning to avoid being late).
One afternoon, on the way home I stopped at the shop and bought a drink, some crisps and some sweets. As I walked I stuffed my face with the solids and then as a car approached in the oncomming direction, I took a quick swig of drink and, as the car drew level, I pretended to be sick in the gutter. I had sufficient "spice" (yorkshire term) to do this to most of the cars all the way home - remember this was 35 years ago and there were few cars around. Great fun and a valuable practice for later in life as a pizza fueled drunk.
On another occasion, I walked all the way home with one eye shut. This was as an experiment to see (no pun intended) what it would be like to only have one eye. A new kid in school had just arrived and he had glasses AND an eye patch over one eye. I assumed he only had one eye and wondered at the waste of glass in his spectacles. I now kniow, he did infact have two eyes and one was patched to correct a "lazy" eye.
Anyway it was fun walking home with one eye shut and getting lots of sympathetic looks from passers by. The interesting thing about it was that if you only have one eye, people think that you can't see at all and that you are also deaf. As in blatent staring and comments which I could hear like "Oooh look at that poor little boy with only one eye".
So now as a dad myself I can see that my two are just fine really, so it's upto me to work harder at messing them up.
Firstly, I used to walk to and from school mostly by myself in those carefree days. I don't think my parents ever thought I was in any danger, or maybe they were just hopeful that some day I really would be taken. Anyway, it meant freedom of expression for me for 10 mins in the morning and 20 minutes in the afternoon (I ran in the morning to avoid being late).
One afternoon, on the way home I stopped at the shop and bought a drink, some crisps and some sweets. As I walked I stuffed my face with the solids and then as a car approached in the oncomming direction, I took a quick swig of drink and, as the car drew level, I pretended to be sick in the gutter. I had sufficient "spice" (yorkshire term) to do this to most of the cars all the way home - remember this was 35 years ago and there were few cars around. Great fun and a valuable practice for later in life as a pizza fueled drunk.
On another occasion, I walked all the way home with one eye shut. This was as an experiment to see (no pun intended) what it would be like to only have one eye. A new kid in school had just arrived and he had glasses AND an eye patch over one eye. I assumed he only had one eye and wondered at the waste of glass in his spectacles. I now kniow, he did infact have two eyes and one was patched to correct a "lazy" eye.
Anyway it was fun walking home with one eye shut and getting lots of sympathetic looks from passers by. The interesting thing about it was that if you only have one eye, people think that you can't see at all and that you are also deaf. As in blatent staring and comments which I could hear like "Oooh look at that poor little boy with only one eye".
So now as a dad myself I can see that my two are just fine really, so it's upto me to work harder at messing them up.
Tuesday, 27 March 2007
Birthday
It was boy #1 's birthday recently, why do we have to have all his wretched mates round, I can't wait til they are old enough to get out to the pub or something. Mind you, they might be OK by then. But now, my God what a set.
There's ****** who I shall call Gollum. He can be relied on want "NEED" any other toy which is being played with by another child. To the point where Gollum can't actually play with any of his hoard as his legs are buckling under the weight of it all. I actually heard him say " they are all mine" in a shrill and disturbing voice.
Then they is ****** who I shall call Pushit. What ever you say he can't do, then that is what he will do. I caught him with a large full water pistol in the kids room. Yes I know it sounds petty, but would you like to get into a wet bed? And this is after he had been told it was an OUTSIDE toy. "Can I just squirt it in the bath then?" Get real, like I'm going to let that happen.
Next up is ****** who I shall call Baby. Yes he's the one who cries to get his way. He cries so easily you almost dare not speak to him. But although it undoubtedly works at home, it won't work with me. He can just cry himself dry. And rally what is the big deal? So someone sat in his place - So?
Finally we have **** who I shall call Whiner. God he is hard work. Loud, unruley, pushy, a bad looser AND a bad winner (dreadful combination). To cap it off, he smells. How does a seven year old get to smell so bad? Don't they wash him?
I could go on, but I think you get the picture.
I can understand why so many parents just don't entertain at home for their kids. No, they ship them off to kiddy world for some hydrogenated fats and a sugar rush, then send 'em back home to mum and dad.
Next year I will suggest a much more select guest list, or perhaps a themed party. Mary Keller springs to mind for some reason.
Boris
There's ****** who I shall call Gollum. He can be relied on want "NEED" any other toy which is being played with by another child. To the point where Gollum can't actually play with any of his hoard as his legs are buckling under the weight of it all. I actually heard him say " they are all mine" in a shrill and disturbing voice.
Then they is ****** who I shall call Pushit. What ever you say he can't do, then that is what he will do. I caught him with a large full water pistol in the kids room. Yes I know it sounds petty, but would you like to get into a wet bed? And this is after he had been told it was an OUTSIDE toy. "Can I just squirt it in the bath then?" Get real, like I'm going to let that happen.
Next up is ****** who I shall call Baby. Yes he's the one who cries to get his way. He cries so easily you almost dare not speak to him. But although it undoubtedly works at home, it won't work with me. He can just cry himself dry. And rally what is the big deal? So someone sat in his place - So?
Finally we have **** who I shall call Whiner. God he is hard work. Loud, unruley, pushy, a bad looser AND a bad winner (dreadful combination). To cap it off, he smells. How does a seven year old get to smell so bad? Don't they wash him?
I could go on, but I think you get the picture.
I can understand why so many parents just don't entertain at home for their kids. No, they ship them off to kiddy world for some hydrogenated fats and a sugar rush, then send 'em back home to mum and dad.
Next year I will suggest a much more select guest list, or perhaps a themed party. Mary Keller springs to mind for some reason.
Boris
Bloody Students
Firstly, this is not the obvious post about students in a pub sharing a packet of crisps all night. No, this is a more serious matter for anyone who reads this (I think that's just the two of us then). I refer to the recent phenomenon of students somehow morphing into consumers.
Anyone who teaches will I am sure be familiar with this and those who don't will just have to make the best of it - sorry.
So, there seems to have been a shift in the student community in all areas of FE. At one time, they signed up for the course, either did the the work or didn't do the work, passed or failed and that was the end of it.
Now they sign up PAY THE FEES and then expect to pass the course without any further effort on their behalf at all. Just turning up seems to be optional.
Are we just selecting students on the basis of whether they can pay or not? What happened to having a proper interview to determine how badly they wanted to do the course and learn the content? If they would even bother to turn up?
The module descriptions are clear enough and the students know that a little or a lot of home study is required, according to the nature of the course, but still they piss about and don't listen to the simplest of instruction or bother to even try to understand their part in the learning experience.
When they then fail or are in clear danger of failing, they whinge like fuck that the reason they have failed is the quality of the teaching, the quality of the course materials, their dyslexia, their learning style was not catered for - anything except acknowledging that they were too lazy to actually do the work.
They may as well be honest and just say I should have passed because I PAID!
Well guess what, it doesn't work like that. You have to work too.
Anyone considering doing an FE course and thinking they will pass because they have paid really needs to have a re-think. There is no value in a qualification like that. Anyone can buy one and it becomes a meaningless bit of paper.
You might as well just frame the receipt.
Boris
Anyone who teaches will I am sure be familiar with this and those who don't will just have to make the best of it - sorry.
So, there seems to have been a shift in the student community in all areas of FE. At one time, they signed up for the course, either did the the work or didn't do the work, passed or failed and that was the end of it.
Now they sign up PAY THE FEES and then expect to pass the course without any further effort on their behalf at all. Just turning up seems to be optional.
Are we just selecting students on the basis of whether they can pay or not? What happened to having a proper interview to determine how badly they wanted to do the course and learn the content? If they would even bother to turn up?
The module descriptions are clear enough and the students know that a little or a lot of home study is required, according to the nature of the course, but still they piss about and don't listen to the simplest of instruction or bother to even try to understand their part in the learning experience.
When they then fail or are in clear danger of failing, they whinge like fuck that the reason they have failed is the quality of the teaching, the quality of the course materials, their dyslexia, their learning style was not catered for - anything except acknowledging that they were too lazy to actually do the work.
They may as well be honest and just say I should have passed because I PAID!
Well guess what, it doesn't work like that. You have to work too.
Anyone considering doing an FE course and thinking they will pass because they have paid really needs to have a re-think. There is no value in a qualification like that. Anyone can buy one and it becomes a meaningless bit of paper.
You might as well just frame the receipt.
Boris
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